marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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