i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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