I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
