I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
