dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I could make wine with my vomit
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
