he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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