it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
