All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
