The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
