I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
