do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
