Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
