I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
