For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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