im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
ugly people sure do ruin things
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
