She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
