there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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