he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
