He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
