No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
