How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
