So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
two words...techno handjob
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
