afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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