being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
