you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
