lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
