im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He? As in you personified your dick?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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