I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
