Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
