Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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