I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just pee around me
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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