I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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