I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
