So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
