if only i could text you this smell
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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