I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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