My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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