Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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