Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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