Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
