I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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