It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
