I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
