I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
