No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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