And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize