Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Please don't give away my fajitas
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
