just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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