just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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