I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
