My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
