problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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