Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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