did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
