Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
