final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
